The Love of God
- Mark McLaughlin
- Dec 7, 2020
- 5 min read
Sometimes the love of God manifests itself in the form of pain, love hurts. In fact, I think it's the most intense way we feel love, heartache causes us to call upon his name and beg for his mercy and grace. Fear has a tendency to do that also as well as other "negative" emotions but know this, it is the love of God just not in the way we like it I didn't keep count, but I helped to bury a lot of Veterans, I was the Chaplain on the Honor Guard of VFW Post 5010 in Freeland PA. We rendered final Military Honors at many funerals with the 21 gun salute and Taps. Sometimes I would tell the grieving, often weeping widows that the pain they were feeling at that moment is the love of God flowing through them, the reason it's so intense is because you loved him that much. Often it is overwhelming, if there wasn't love, there wouldn't be any pain and your loss would be easier to bear.
Many people suffer chronic physical pain, many for years and when they realize that they are terminally ill, some pray for death, some ask for DNR orders, a few consider euthanasia. Do Not Resitate orders are the most common choice. Both my parents had them and died at home with Hospice care, I can think of many worse ways to go. One of my many blessings is sleep apnea, it's my most significant Service Connected Disablity. I need to use a CPAP machine and can die in my sleep without it. All I have to do is sleep on my back without it and I know that I will stop breathing many times on any given night, one of those breaths could easily be my last. I'll gladly take it, you couldn't ask for a more merciful death than that. I considered it in the Hotel California (jail) I could check out anytime I want, but could never leave. They don't let you take your CPAP to jail, those two nights could have been a death sentence for me, I just slept on my stomach. I found comfort in having that option, I genuinely do not fear death, I'm rather looking forward to thàt joyous day when I leave this evil world. I hope to be buried in Arlington, I've been meaning to prearrange it for years and put it in my will, I might even donate a couple grand so my comrades from VFW 5010 can render honors instead of the Old Guard and they can tour DC. It would add to their prestige a bit if such a thing is possible, I'm sure willing to cover their expenses, doshite mo (why not).
By far the most pain we all feel is phycological, " it's all in your head", but it's also called heartache. I'm fortunate that I'm a Machosist and can withstand quite a bit of physical pain and actually enjoy it. It's the phycological torture caused by Mary's Othello's Syndrome and Sabrina's Narcissism that by far has damaged me the most, I have CPTSD from it. That diagnosis was the most positive thing that came out of my Federal Probation Counciling, she wasn't able to do much about it because their primary focus in those weekly probes is to dig deep and see what else they can use against you, they get paid for monitoring you very closely mostly for using drugs or, alcohol and anything else they can jail you on a probation violation over. They aren't paid to treat you for being fucked up, but they sure look hard for ways that you are. Nobody seems to understand just how much love it takes to endure abuse at that level of intensity for as long as I did. I have been Dishonored in just about every way you can imagine, Othello's ghost kicked my ass good and hard ruining all three of our lives for good. I do mean for good as in Romans 8:28 good, this tragity absolutely had to happen, I wish it happened differently, but I had absolutely no control over anything except running for my life. Thank God I wanted to go to Water Boogie and left Pennsylvania, it would have been suicidal to stay there. Skydiving literally saved my life, I can just imagine the evil shit they would have pulled on me if I stayed or returned, I would be in jail for damned sure like many other Leprechauns are right now. The Love I had for Wuffo was used as a weapon against me and caused me more pain than losing everything else, much like how women use their children as weapons in other divorces. Thank God I didn't taste that flavor of hell, but many are suffering in it now as they have for eons. Many are tolerating severe, damaging abuse in toxic marriages right now for the sake of their kids because males almost always lose custody automatically in the same way that the fraudulent PFA was issued as a matter of course, it's how the evil systems work. The Love of God is devastating when it is weaponised, that's exactly what the courts do, they don't give a damned what the truth is. They don't care even slightly about how much abuse men suffer it's impossible for men to be the victim of abuse, Leprechauns are not believed even if we can prove it as I tried to when I took 7 years of my mental health records with me to the PFA Hearing, they didn't even look at them. Mary was very careful to avoid being diagnosed with Othello's Syndrome let alone get treated for it, she called any attempt on my part to get her help "abuse" and you can bet your ass that everyone believed her.
What's still causing me great difficulty are Sabrina's claims that I hate her and Mary and even attempting to communicate in anyway is a "threat to their safety" She claims that she can feel the hatred coming from me and that "I wished for Mary to die" and caused the stroke that nearly did kill her from 2,000 miles away 4 1/2 months after I left. She saw what I was dealing with when she lived with us in Sheppton, she even tried to intervine when Mary was physically attacking me a couple of times. I fought her as gently as I could and didnt injure her, I could have easily killed her or, injured her severely as I can anyone else. I used Jujitsu well and with great restraint, if I wanted her dead, I could have done it at anytime. That translated into "I beat her up" with my Jujitsu and of course, that's what everyone believes because "lots of men beat their wives" well, not this motherfucker. All it takes is for a woman to say she feels threatened and any man is automatically guilty no questions asked and no consequences for lying, they are always believed and Leprechauns are never believed, that's just how the system works and all women use it in divorce and custody battles very effectively true or not.
It took a Lot of love to withstand that and I still do love her and Sabrina whatever they claim, but it would be suicidal for me to go anywhere near them, their lies made sure of that. My love is limitless and it is eternal because it comes from God who is the source, it is incorruptible but sometimes it causes me great pain, when it's used as a weapon against me. Never underestimate the power of love it's the best we can hope for, but it can also be devasting. I just so happen to have love so powerful that it sometimes scares people who can't understand it.
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